Thursday, March 13, 2008

Irritable, Restless and Discontent


That's me, baby! I am ridiculously grumpy and mean lately. I don't know how anyone around me can stand me -- I can't stand me. I am irritated at every single meeting I go to. I'm annoyed by all the people on the subway. When someone talks, I hear, "blah, blah, blah." I about died in a meeting the other night. I just kept thinking, "Shut up! Shut up. Can't you stop talking? Oh, no. Do we really need to hear this again!? Get me out of here -- fast!"

Does that sound at all normal? No! I'm a total freak. My family is going to banish me from the house soon. I'd probably be out already except that I do provide laundry, taxi, and chef services.

Even my escapes to Europe (via my travel DVDs) aren't enough. Lately, when I watch them I just think, "Darn! Why can't I be in France eating a fresh crepe? Why can't I be strolling through Belgium eating some of those delicious twice-cooked Flemish fries? Why can't I be sauntering through a medieval castle along the Rhine in Germany?" And on and on my trippy mind goes for 45 minutes with this ridiculous "poor me" self talk.

So, what's the deal? I don't know. It could be that awkward time before spring; it could be worrying about finances; it could be me stressing out over my kids' future. Or . . .hum . . it could be this ridiculous "calorie counter" website I'm now addicted to where you record every single thing you eat and it grades you. Seriously. It does. I was a freaky perfectionist student all through school and now I'm a 47 year old woman who has to get an A on my calorie counter website every day. I feel like a freaking field grazing goat!

I need to get me some tiramisu!!!

1 comment:

Suzanne Duchesne said...

How on earth did I find you! You could be the mirror image of me, except that I am 8 years your senior. I too, am restless, irritable and discontent. I've been married to the same man for 20 years, we have an 18 and 16 year old living at home. Two dogs, a nice house, a small cottage. Yet my life seems empty and meaningless, totally without excitement. I, too, worry about my children's future and also their lack of excitement for life. I keep saying to myself that "this too shall pass", but I sure would love to drive into the sunset and never look back!