Mother Love

I just woke up from a crazy, crazy dream. I was rushing through my church – late for sacrament meeting. I was looking for the bathroom but chanced to go into a room that was crowded with the women of the church. Curious about what was going on, I took a chair in the back row. There was an air of anticipation. Suddenly another woman bustled into the room and there was commotion. She was clearly distressed that she was late, and she apologized. One of the other women said, “Don’t worry. We didn’t even think you’d be alive.”

The woman who was late said, I didn’t think I would either. No one did. Let me tell you what happened.” She had a big bandage wrapped around her head and face, and I intuitively knew that a big part of her face was missing – hollowed out. She proceeded to tell her story:

“None of the doctors or church members could help me here. I went to another place where they have the buddy system. God was first in line to talk to me but I yelled, ‘no! my twins want to talk now. You'll have to wait.” As she spoke these words, she started to unwrap the bandage and her face was not just completely healed, but radiant – more beautiful than ever. She was healed. She would live.

I was suddenly overwhelmed with the sense of the power of love between mothers and their children. The mom put God on hold because her little twins wanted to talk first, and the twins, through their pleadings to God (this was not a dream where events were linear), were able to heal their mom when no one else could.

I woke up a few minutes ago sobbing. I’m not really sure why, but that dreamed moved me and filled me with a strange sense of something. I think we may take our Mother Love for granted sometimes – the power of it, I mean. It is fierce and nothing -- absolutely nothing -- comes first (not even God in this dream).

And I’ve never really thought about the power of the love that a child has for her parents. The pleas of the woman’s twins saved her – it restored her very flesh and blood, which was somehow eaten away. She lived because of the intervention, pleas and faith of her children.

As moms, we are remarkable people with a love for our children that is something to be reckoned with. But we should never forget the power of Child Love. It can save lives.

A Full Nest; a Bursting Heart

Just for today, my nest is full. And it feels good. Well, honestly, I've hardly had any time to pay attention to my nest. I've barely seen my nest, in fact. I have been busy helping other people with their nests and am enjoying a flurry of meetings, outings, errands, quick phone calls, hurried hugs, texts and emails, belly laughter, and a few tears. I am saying "yes" to life. At least for today.

What I've learned: our life is exactly what we create. We choose. We can have just as much happiness as we're willing to embrace. We can chose to isolate and feel sorry for ourselves, or we can reach out and find fellow souls who yearn for connection, friendship, good works. I am blessed beyond belief with the people who have wandered, stumbled (literally), swooshed, or barged into my life. I have learned from them all and have loved nearly all of them. I have seen myself and others with kinder eyes.

I've been doubly blessed by the little people who are part of my life for two hours every Sunday. There's nothing like the enthusiasm, raw energy and curiosity of children. They are amazing teachers.

I am blown away by the strength of my family, with my parents forming a rock solid foundation of faith, gratitude, and unconditional love. My sisters sandwich me in love and good humor. My children keep me on my toes (and on my knees). And Darryl. What can I say? He is the glue that holds me together. Sprinkle all that with the amazing wonderfulness of my nieces, nephews, and bros-in-law, and you have a big, squishy cocoon of security and solace.

So, I am on a pink cloud. Just for today. I never would have imagined writing this a week ago. Indeed, I was in a dark place that I didn't think I could crawl out of. But it is amazing what prayer, exercising faith (I say "exercise" because it doesn't come naturally for me), and asking for help can do. My heart is bursting with gratitude. Just for today.

Empty Nest

What to do with an empty nest?
Fill it with shopping or trips to the library?
Pile it with tasty dishes from new recipe books?
Toss in hours of pouring over old photo albums?
Clean it and scrub it?
Rearrange and refurbish?
Blast music so loud that I can’t stand to go in it?

Does one keep the nest empty?
Guard it from intrusion?
Make it a shrine or a refuge from loneliness?
Or turn away and never look into it?

The days are dwindling when my nest is intact.
Nighttime is impatient with her dark embrace.
Anxiety’s cold hands grabs at my ankles.
Doubt teases my mind and fills with fear.

And I wonder and worry:

Did I teach her what she needs to be independent?
Does she know who she is and where she came from?
Did I nurture her self confidence?
Did I tell her often enough how wonderful she is?
Does she know she’s loved unconditionally?
Does she know her true worth?
Can she stand tall and strong and make her voice heard?
Are her wings strong and sturdy?
Her sense of direction keen?
Is she ready for flight and adventure and independence?

Whatever I did or didn’t do, I know in my gut,
In my heart,
In my mind
…my bird is ready to take
FLIGHT!!

Tribute to Atlas Shrugged

I wrote this in 1990 after reading Atlas Shrugged for the second or third time. My big confession: I never finished the book. I couldn't bear to be without John Galt.

A Tribute to Atlas Shrugged

Empty wall, bare wall.
Open just for a moment and
let me walk through you.
Show me a place unlike the
world where I exist.

Show me the factories of
Henry Rearden, the railroads
of Dagny Tggart. Show me Wyatt's
Torch and Galt's Gulch.
Let me walk through the a'Anconia mines,
and sail the ships of Danneskjolk.

Let me see those that the world hated,
yet could not do without.
Let me talk with the immovable movers
and listen to the Concerto of Deliverence.

Idealist, you say. Dreamer.
Yes, let me. I will dream.
Just once I want to explore the
world of idealism, progressiveness.
People with self-esteem and independence.
People who love themselves.
People who will not sacrifice their values.

These men and women who
have left a world where men
damn existence...and damn the Earth
yet dare not question their code.

Let me dwell with those that believe
that your life belongs to you,
and that good comes from living it.
Let me join those who have turned their
backs on the sacrificial altar of socidety.

Let me unite with those who have
found a better morality to live by

Let me be part of them for just a while,
And I will return through the wall from
whence I came.

I will not live in their world
but their world will live in my heart.

Donna Black
October l990

Off to College . . .

Empty Nest

What to do with an empty nest?
Fill it with shopping or trips to the library?
Pile it with tasty dishes from new recipe books?
Toss in hours of pouring over old photo albums?
Clean it and scrub it?
Rearrange and refurbish?
Blast music so loud that I can’t stand to go in it?

Does one keep the nest empty?
Guard it from intrusion?
Make it a shrine or a refuge from loneliness?
Or turn away and never look into it?

The days are dwindling when my nest is intact.
Nighttime is impatient with her dark embrace.
Anxiety’s cold hands grabs at my ankles.
Doubt teases my mind and fills with fear.

And I wonder and worry:

Did I teach her what she needs to be independent?
Does she know who she is and where she came from?
Did I nurture her self confidence?
Did I tell her often enough how wonderful she is?
Does she know she’s loved unconditionally?
Does she know her true worth?
Can she stand tall and strong and make her voice heard?
Are her wings strong and sturdy?
Her sense of direction keen?
Is she ready for flight and adventure and independence?

Whatever I did or didn’t do, I know in my gut,
In my heart,
In my mind
…my bird is ready to take
FLIGHT!!

Donna ’09

Green Before Green was Hip

I found a book of poems I wrote 29 years ago. Turns out I was green before green was all the rage. That was back almost three decades ago when I was wise. I think I'm living backwards and that, with me, foolishness and ignorance come with age.

A Letter

Asses, fools, men.
They think the world was made
For them.
That every bird, cloud and
Blade of grass
Was made for the comfort of a
Big, fat ass.
That every creature
North and south
Was made to stuff in
An ugly mouth.

So, live it up and have your fun
Because, dear fools, your time is done.
Imbeciles that you are –
You didn’t realize that your birth
Was for the caring of the Earth.

You ugly, destructive, selfish mob,
Earth’s life and beauty you have robbed.
Because of your careless, endless lies,
Prepare your meager minds to die.
Your punishment – now that all is checked –
Is to live on this planet that
You yourselves have wrecked.

Sincerely yours,
Mother Earth

Drink Up This Day

Drink up this day
In all its deliciousness,
In all its fullness.
Breathe it in.
Listen to it.
Feel it.
Bathe in its uniqueness.
Twirl in its warmth.
Embrace its energy.
Soak up the moment.
When its over only the
Gentle glow of memories remain.
Donna '09